Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!..."OK, Shut the hell up and listen! We're going in. Form groups, then I'll send raid invites to group leaders. "It took another twenty minutes to sort things out. Allowances had to be made for a drunk healer and a tank that had left his heavy gear back at the inn. Plus the idiots who kept starting up the chant of Dungeon!...Dungeon!...Dungeon!...But eventually, Timmy could bring up the raid interface. This was new to him. He'd been given the option to buy the Leadership skill after running a dozen groups that had killed Named Bosses. The skill gave him some benefits when running groups such as an extra 1% per skill level to health for each person in the group. It also made his voice louder when shouting orders. That came in handy tonight. As soon as he had seen the door to the dungeon, he'd received a message about being able to gain the Raid Leader skill. He brought up the raid interface and set things up. He had options for how loot was split and how they gained credit for Named and Elite Bosses.

Normally, only one group got credit for killing the lower-tier bosses. If two groups ganged up on a weak boss, the group doing the most damage got the credit. For a raid he could either keep it that way or opt for everyone to get a much smaller reward. This was going to be a fun, drunken Zerg. He decided to just let everyone get a small reward rather than argue over who got which boss. He chaffed at the time it took to set up the raid, but it had to be done.Raid Name: Sir Timothy's Big AdventureRaid Leader: Timmythewonderboy34Sponsor: Bludgeon Brew, the Beer of Heroes!Co-op Loot Chests?: YesSplit all coin rewards?: YesSplit all experience?: YesGroup 1: Timmythewonderboy34SniperdiperdooSaphronMageBrzrkr666NinjetteBrunetteGroup 2.... so much paperwork...

He was glad they hadn't started tearing up the town just yet. It would have made it a bit awkward to get into the dungeon afterward. This was a lucky stroke. As far as he knew, this was the first dungeon found in the Northern Dukedom and the first raid. His ratings should go sky-high on the gaming sites when he released the video.A shame he had to give Bludgeon Dark the airtime for free, but that was part of the entry fee for any group. Plus he had to pay 25 gold up front and another 5 gold to cover their enormous bar tab and some broken furniture. But still, it was worth it to get to raid a dungeon and be the first raid inside. They'd clear out all the bosses then go nail the Under-Rodent, and maybe get another server first for a dungeon boss."It's GO TIME! Get on your game faces, and let’s get moving. If we hit corridors, one group down each. Kill bosses and grab the loot or come get help. No one moves past my group. We know there's a central hallway and not much else about the place."

Below, in the dark depths of the dungeon, the Under Rodent felt the presence of a minion.

Ma'am? Pardon, but we have visitors.Visitors? Didn't we just have some visitors? My dungeon is barely built and already there are little people rushing to their dooms. I suppose that's good.The first group left ma'am. A shame, they were hurt badly, I'd hoped they'd just keep exploring further and die a horribly comedic death.Well, set out some cheese and loot to entice the new group in.Yes Ma'am. However, it's several groups.Several?Yes, your awesomeness. A full raid. Five groups in all, led by a Named Paladin.Oh dear, it's thrilling. I hope we can put up a good fight. I'm ever so frightened.…pause...…laughter...

Zephyr was sprawled face down, asleep on the loot chest. Aleister picked her up and she stirred."No, can't go yet....need my phat loots!Ozzy laughed. "She's drunk, mostly asleep, with a broken leg, but our fearless leader knows what's important. All about the 'phat loots'. Aleister leaned down near the chest. "Just touch the chest, Zephyr, and think about opening it."A cloth bag of 171 copper coins fell with a clank to the floor, followed by a carved bone staff with leather straps loosely wrapped around one end."Dibs!" Zephyr rolled out of her father's arms, falling to the floor and grabbing the staff. Followed by crying out in pain when she jostled her broken leg. Aleister put his hand on his forehead. Allowing that second glass of beer had been a mistake on his part. "Ozzy, I'm taking my drunken child home. But she does have some luck. My Identify skill says that is a staff sling carved from the bones of a Great Green Wyrm. It will add damage +20 damage to her acid bombs. He put his boot on the chest, and 3 gold coins clattered to the floor. "Now why can't I do that well when my group kills big things?"

Ozzy picked up the bag, staff, and gold. "I'll follow with these. Let's see how my luck is." Reaching down to touch the chest, he was immediately slammed to the floor as a twelve-foot-long beam of heavy wood crashed into him, followed by a flash of lightning and a peel of thunder.[You have been hit by 'Lightning Blessed Rune-Caber of Olgerd the Mighty'.You have taken 120 blunt damage and 10 lightning damage. Be thankful it was just dropped on you, and not thrown by Olgerd! You're welcome.]

Aleister looked at the weapon as Ozzy stood up and glared. The caber was roughly eight inches in diameter and round. The wood looked like dark stained oak. Runes were carved along with small scenes of combat. One end was blackened for the first foot, and the wood was split. A thick copper ring was riveted in place to keep the wood from splitting further. "It identifies as a magical caber. I didn't even know such things existed! I surmise it will do additional lightning damage on a hit. And see there? Some carvings explain how the gods bless Olgerd with his magical weapon." Ozzy squinted. The carved pictures showed a bearded giant of a man fighting an army with the caber. Olgerd he assumed. The next scene showed lighting hitting the caber and the bolt splitting to strike his enemies. The last scene showed Olgerd standing victorious, all his enemies on the ground, and him holding the caber above his head with both hands. "Well, if I ever have a house, I know what to use as a lightning rod. Let’s get your girl home before something else happens. He tucked the caber under one arm and gathered up the rest of their loot, following the Alchemist and Party Leader Zephyr to their home.

The raid was taking a break to drink some potions, cure conditions, and figure out just what the hell was going on. Things had started out fine. They surged forward down the main corridor, splitting off as they hit side areas.

One group had headed to the left and followed the signs of fighting and sprung traps on the way to a boss room, obviously the lair of Snik'Tik the Necromancer. Mapping it would help for later. But they'd lost a lot of time when the group got stuck behind a portcullis trap. They tried to batter their way out for half an hour before finding the lever behind the throne. Two groups had split off at the second tunnel where dozens of muddy footprints indicated a rat-kin lair. They'd split again when the tunnel forked. The right-hand group ran into a wave of two dozen giant rats led by a horrifically large rat-kin with the title 'Roquefort Hordeboss'. At eight feet tall he could swing his huge axe from the back ranks while the rats chewed at ankles and feet. Three people had died and two others ran yelling for help. Luckily the second group was nearby and came to their aid and the level 4 Elite Boss went down.The seven people left formed one group and then explored the left fork. They should have been looking up more. The torch bearer in the rear screamed and the light went out. Hearing horrible noises from the ceiling they backed away. A mage produced light, but the only thing they found was the barely living torch bearer, missing his legs from the ankles down. They put him out of his misery and continued carefully.

Coming to a crossroads they were ambushed by a handful of rat-kin from either side. Those would have been easy to deal with if it hadn't been for the creature that dropped down from the ceiling. Running along the wall was a multi-legged, thirty-foot-long monstrosity called 'Ratipede the foot collector'. The thing had an immense head like a rat, and seemed to be made of a dozen or more linked torsos, each with a couple of legs and arms attached. The worst was the feet. Some were rat-kin, but others wore varied footwear. Dwarven work boots, golden high-heeled slippers, high-top track shoes, and even a wooden peg-leg. Another level 4 Elite Boss, the Ratipede was defeated, but at the cost of most of the group. Only two warriors remained, both injured. Taking a few pairs of shoes to back up their story, they retreated to the rest of the raid. Two more bosses had gone down over the next two hours as well, but each had cost the raid in casualties. Drunken Zerg style was fun, but not effective. But the main goal was achieved as it did make for a great video to watch. Unauthorized use: this story is on Amazon without permission from the author. Report any sightings.The raid was down to twelve people. Mana, Stamina, and Health were running low and a lot of scrolls and potions had been used up. They were currently debating the choice of continuing down the main corridor further into the dungeon or taking the staircase they had found that led downward. Eventually, the staircase won. Down would be where the Under-Rodent lay and the best loot.The stairs were four feet wide and spiraled down on the outside edge of a circular pit. The pit was twenty feet across, leaving a twelve-foot hole in the center. With no handrail, Timmy had them descend slowly in a single file. The rogue at the end of the raid was the first to notice the scurrying of rat-kin behind them. "Hey, Sir Timothy, we have rats above us. A couple of circuits behind us. They keep poking their heads out and spying on us." Timmy sighed, he hated diversions. "They want us to move back up, so obviously we are going in the right direction. Just ignore them. Saphron, put down a couple of Explosive Sigils behind us. If they keep following, they get a surprise." Two more circuits down, and the sigils exploded, rat-kin parts falling down the central shaft. Posing for the video, Timmy exclaimed "See, if you're smart, you find ways to deal with enemies with little effort. Onward."Four more circuits downward, Timmy heard his rear guard yelling again. "Boss, they're back. Shit, they're throwing something".

The rat-kin were above the raid and could throw down and across the central opening. They seemed to be aiming for the back of the raid. A few missed and hit low, the sound of breaking ceramic echoing in the center well. A couple of them hit raid members. One warrior blocked with his shield getting the liquid from the broken pot all over those next time him. DangerRanger shot a pot in mid-air, scattering liquid over most of the raid.But the bulk of the clay pots shattered on the stairs or wall behind the raid, dropping gallons of oil on the stairs, coating everything and making their footing treacherous as the oil ran downwards and coated the spiral stairs. One warrior wearing plate sabatons took a hesitant step and fell, sliding away from the wall. He disappeared into the darkness with a short scream and an ugly sound as he found the bottom of the pit. "NO ONE MOVE!" Timmy used the ability to issue the entire raid orders as he yelled. "We go down one by one. That way if someone slips, we don't take the whole raid. First person in line, sit down on your ass, and go down step by step to not slip. When you get a circuit ahead, the next person goes. We can beat this."Unfortunately for Timmy and his viewers, someone else had ideas. "Haha!! Stupid pink-skins. You beat nothing. For I, Weaseltounge the Clever have trapped you in my most trappy of cunningly-smart trappy-traps." The taunting voice echoed down from above, and then a single command. "Fire!"Four rat-kin bowmen, their arrows burning at the tips, shot at the raid. All along the stairs, the fire raced. Its damage was small, but drunken adventurers don't stand still when burning. Two people panicked and surged forward, falling and tumbling down the stairs giving new meaning to 'Drop and Roll'. They knocked over everyone else in a slippery game of dominos and the raid headed down the stairs at an unsafe pace.Three fell and died of kinetic poisoning as they hit the bottom of the center shaft with sickening thuds. Two more would have died, but Saphronmage cast a Featherfall to protect herself and DangerRanger on the way down. They floated slowly, trying to beat out the flames on their armor while the rat-kin above laughed at them. "This is good. We send you down to meet the big rat mostly cooked. Maybe you put apples in each other’s mouths?! Do eet for meee!"All total, six members of the raid made it to the bottom of the shaft, two having died in the fires. Most were low on health and were chugging down the last of their potions. Timmy took stock of who he had left.SaphronMage was a standard Wizard. DangerRanger was an archer with some trick shots. Luckily three out of four of his regular crew were here. David and Joseph were rock solid. Hugh? Not so much. He'd really screwed up the last fight, but his need to burn things would work here. Pep talk time.

"We can do this people. We're down a lot of people, but they were the chaff. You people are the cream. We can do this!

"I'm frontline with David. I'm using the last of my mana to heal us both to full, so you'll have to watch our health, Joseph. Davey, I'm going to be taunting as much as I can and go defensive, so I want you swinging for the bleachers with the big sword. Saphron, Joe, and Danger are in the back. Hugh's in the center where he has clear lanes of fire.""Hugh, normal rules are off, you see a horde, burn the hell out of it! That goes for the rest of you. We see the boss, do your best, and to hell with who gets the kill."Everyone nodded. Adventuring with Timmy was a lot better when the camera wasn't rolling. They'd still be streaming this fight but didn't have to hold back. Despite their losses, they were excited. It was time to kill a Boss! The raid advanced down a short hallway and emerged into a large domed cave with many exits. It was strewn with rat's nests of straw and piles of trash. Light came from glowing vines hanging from the ceiling.

Across the room, two hundred feet away, was a gigantic rat climbing out of its nest. It flicked its whiskers at them, and ignored the raid, instead reaching for a large wheel of cheese with one paw, and a screaming dwarf from a cage with the other. It alternated taking bites of the cheese and the dwarf, and when done, drained a keg of ale, burping loudly. The raid had slowly moved to the center of the room, advancing on the rat. As they got closer, its true size became apparent. It was at least as big as an elephant, if not bigger. It had huge incisors and beady red eyes that glowed in the dark. Its fur was a sleek dark grey that faded to white on its paws. Timmy couldn't identify it. Like the Charnel Daemon, it was too high, and that meant it was Tier 2, It could be anywhere and levels 6 to 10. Hopefully closer to 6. Please let it be closer to 6! The big rat stood up on its hind legs, putting its head 20 feet in the air, and squeaked loudly. The sound of running feet came from various tunnels."Saphron and Hugh, light up the mobs and keep up as you can. Everyone else, charge the Under-Rodent!" Lightning Bolts and Fireballs leaped from fingertips, frying the small groups of ratkin that emerged from the tunnels. The mages sprinted to catch up between castings. Twenty seconds later they had cleared out the bulk of the trash mobs, but were both out of mana. Hugh was downing mana potion after mana potion, knowing it would hurt like hell afterward. Saphron pulled out a wand and cast Storm of Thunder three times before it shattered. "You owe me a new wand, Timmy!" Fully half the rat-kin and giant rats lay dead, but more were coming. The front line was almost to the big rat. Hugh and Timmy charged in first, the big rat sat licking its paws daintily, getting the last bit of dwarf from them. At their feet, hidden by the trash and old straw, the mechanical sounds of traps gave them no warning before the jaws of multiple bear traps snapped shut.A long line of traps triggered all around the rat. Hugh screamed as his leg was broken by the powerful saw-toothed jaws. Timmy had better armor. After the Charnel Daemon had crushed his last pair, he'd spent a fortune buying a set of Heavy Plate Mail Greaves of Dwarvenkind. These held, and he took only a little damage, but he was immobilized.The Big Rat took a couple of steps back and continued to eat cheese. Joseph poured healing into Hugh. DangerRanger got off three shots at the Big Rat. He hit it a couple of times as it started to dodged from nest to nest. The small bit of damage it was taking was a good exchange for having some fun and working on its evasion. The two mages were done. Neither had mana or spells to throw. A dozen giant rats advanced, followed by rat-kin, some bearing bows. It didn't take long for the mages to be turned into pincushions and die.

DangerRanger was too busy trying to score hits on the Big Rat to notice the assassin above him in the glowing vines. It dropped, burying both poisoned daggers into his back. the assassin wiped its daggers clean on the ranger's tunic as he fell stunned, and as an afterthought, stole his coin pouch and hat. Then it turned toward Joseph who started running. DangerRanger died of poison and bleeding two rounds later, still stunned.Joseph ran towards the horde of rat-kin, the assassin close behind him. The rats laughed to see such sport. As Joseph got close, he brought his mace down on the ground and used the rest of his mana. As Vengeful Strikes go, it wasn't the biggest, but quite enough to shake the cavern and kill himself, the rat-kin, and the giant rats. The assassin dodged out of the way.Without the Ranger to play games with, the big rat charged. It took some shots from Hugh, but not enough to hurt it badly. Timmy had its attention, blocking its strikes. The assassin walked up silently and removed both of Hugh's kidneys before he understood what was happening. Timmy had seen many things, but the assassin casually walking into his front view while chewing on parts of Hugh made him pause. That was when the Big Rat bent down and carefully bit his head off his shoulders.In the tavern above, a system message was seen by everyone:[Shed a tear and mourn the loss of Sir Timothy's Big Adventure. None shall return from:The Lair of the Under-Rodent, sponsored by Bludgeon DarkRaid: 4 elite bosses killed. Levels 5, 4, 4, and 3. Loot chests are deployed at the dungeon entrance.127 giant rats were killed.87 rat-kin killed.Failed to free all captives.Under-Rodent:24 Adventurers were killed. Named Paladin: killed.Dungeon: 87% full.]

Suzette saw the message and realized a problem with managing a dungeon. Sending in a drunken bunch of overconfident players had undone most of the work Zephyr's group had done to lower the level of the dungeon. She needed to be more careful and set some rules.The Under-Rodent gave the Big Rat a wheel of cheddar for a treat and scratched behind his ears. "Who's a good boy? Huh? Yes, that's right. You are my fluffy little rat. Such a very good boy."